Mitchell proposes "It's a Knockout" contest to slash red tape

Ken Mitchell today announces his intentions to slash public sector red tape and bureaucracy. In a hard hitting speech later today to journalists and students at the Oxford Union, Ken Mitchell will outline plans to free the public sector from the "constricting waste of middle management and consultants".

We can reveal from extracts of the speech that Ken plans to introduce an "It's a Knockout" style of rationalisation to the public sector workforce. On a bi annual basis middle managers and "pen pushers" will be made to take on each other in competitions to see who prevails. Veteran presenter Stuart Hall has expressed an interest as MC for these events after discussion with Ken Mitchell, and is keen to incorporate the armed forces into the competition. "We can add extra incentive to managers to succeed over their contemporaries by introducing the armed forces to "target" failing managers. Clearly this will result in head loses, but that's precisely what we are looking for to reduce manager numbers. In addition we can offer HM armed forces invaluable live target and sniper practice which can not be better simulated outside of the field of conflict."

Ken countered accusations of inhumanity by stating "If these middle managers wish to resign their positions before the bi annual games then they are free to leave their positions, thus releasing valuable funds for more pressing public spending. However if they wish to remain in their positions I believe a Darwinian approach will enable us to pick the efficient and valuable managers from the ineffectual and frankly useless majority." He went on to state that "I believe we can cut such bureaucracy and associated red tape by seventy percent over five years. Stuart Hall is well experienced in such competitions and will make an excellent host. We are presently in negotiations with the BBC and ITV to secure a broadcast contract for these events. The revenue gained from the "save your favourite middle manager phone in" could offer a valuable addition to public coffers."